Words Unformed
by SereneCalamity
Summary: Jace had never been the best at putting his feelings into words. Clace. Oneshot.


_This one was based around a request by the lovely reppinda5o3. The quote is 'Guess I'm wishing my life away with these things I'll never say' from_ Things I'll Never Say _by Avril Lavigne._

 _Disclaimer: I do not own the characters._

Jace Herondale was eleven years old when he met Clarissa Morgenstern. He was angry, a troubled kid who had bruises over his legs and arms and sometimes his face. His clothes were expensive brands but they were always ripped and dirty. Some kids teased him, some kids were scared of him.

Clary didn't seem to pay any attention to the fact that he never had pens or books for school, and he never had lunch. She just gave him half of her peanut butter sandwich and a pencil whenever he needed one, and then talked his ear off about whatever the latest book she was reading.

When he was twelve, his mother finally walked out, and things got even worse at home. His father was drunk almost all the time he was home, and probably whenever he was at work, but he was a high functioning drunk, and it went unnoticed by most people who didn't know him. Unfortunately for Jace, Stephen Herondale let himself get messy at home, and now that he no longer had Celine Herondale as a punching bag, Jace became the primary target.

Clary brought him little tubs of arnica, tucked into her bag, and she told him that her mum said it always helped with bruises. It wasn't until years later that Jace actually knew what it was, and that Jocelyn Morgenstern must have had an idea of what was happening, because Clary kept on bringing the tubs in, stealing them out of the bathroom cabinet. She also brought strawberry flavoured lollipops because they were 'my favourite, and what mum gives me every time I go to the doctors'.

Almost a week after his thirteenth birthday, social services took Jace out of his home, away from his abusive father. It was a messy night, having the police show up at the massive house that hadn't felt like an actual home since he was young, and a social services officer lead him away from his swearing father.

Jace still wasn't sure what they did, but Valentine Morgenstern worked some sort of magic, and got temporary custody passed over to himself and Jocelyn, and after only one night in a foster home that had Jace feeling nauseous and scared, he was at the Morgenstern house. He had been there countless times before, and Jocelyn had hugged him tighter than his mother had ever hugged him. He dressed in some of Jonathon's Morgensterns clothes and slept in the fold out couch in their rumpus room. Clary snuck in sometime after midnight, and gave him an overstuffed, very worn bunny rabbit that she admitted quietly she had had since she was a baby, and still hugged when she was frightened.

Then she had kissed the corner of his mouth and told him that she loved him, before the tiny twelve year old with her hair in two french plaits had walked back to her bedroom.

At fourteen, Jace had been living with his grandmother, Imogen Herondale, almost a year. He was getting better, he was more confident, he didn't flinch every time someone raised their voice, and he was getting three square meals a day. He was actually able to pay attention in class, and he was getting smarter, and Imogen encouraged him into participating in after school sports.

Clary didn't like sports. She liked books and art and crocheting. But she got up every Saturday morning that he had soccer, and would wear one of those weird little hats that she had crocheted and have on bright green mittens and would cheer him on. She came to his swimming meets with hand made signs, and bounced up and down on the wooden stands in between her mother and Imogen when he took up basketball.

Fifteen years old and he was getting more popular at school. He had a lot of friends, and Imogen had also organized for him to be in more regular contact with his cousins, the Lightwoods. He liked them, Maryse Lightwood could be a bit scary, but she clearly meant well. Robert Lightwood adored his kids, and he treated them with nothing but love. Alexander Lightwood was the same age as Jace, and they quickly became close friends, despite the years that they hadn't known each other. Isabelle Lightwood doted on both of her brothers, and she was fiercely independent. And then there was the youngest, Max Lightwood, who was just so cheeky and young and full of life, and sometimes Jace's heart ached a little, because he never got to be so carefree, and he never wanted Max to have to grow out of it.

But Clary and her family always held a special place in his heart. They were the first ones that had really ever showed him love and compassion, and who had taken him in where he literally had no one else to go. Despite the blood that ran between him and the Lightwoods, and him and Imogen, Clary, Jocelyn, Valentine and Jon were still the people he went to when he felt like he needed to be around ones who loved him.

At sixteen, Jace was one of the most popular guys in the school. He was excelling in sports and academics. Valentine had represented both Imogen and Jace in court, and they had won the case that put Jace permanently in Imogens care, and Stephen was compelled to help them financially. This meant for his sixteenth birthday, Imogen had the money to put him an absolutely gorgeous car, which definitely sky-rocketed his popularity as well. He always had the newest phone, the newest clothes, the newest sport gear.

He never dated anyone, though, had never so much as kissed someone else. He was holding onto that kiss that he had been given by a red headed girl when he was thirteen. Clary was his 'person' and he didn't want anyone else.

Clary turned seventeen several months after Jace, and her parents had taken their children and Jace to Chicago for the long weekend to celebrate her birthday. Jace had been trying to build up the courage for some time now, to tell her how she felt. He wanted to tell her how important she was to him, how he was pretty sure he wouldn't be where he was today without her, how it wouldn't matter if he was cut off by every single other person, because as long as he had her, he would be okay.

But he just couldn't get the words out.

Maybe it was because the people who were meant to teach him about love when he was younger hadn't shown himself or each other anything of the sort.

Maybe it was because she was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and if he actually admitted that out loud, if he told her that, then he was admitting that he couldn't loose her. That he wouldn't know what to do if he _did_ loose her.

Maybe it was because he was scared she wouldn't feel the same way.

It was the night of Jace's eighteen birthday, and Imogen had held a dinner at their home. The Lightwoods were there, the Morgensterns were there, and a couple of his other friends from school. He was having a proper eighteenth birthday in the weekend, but he knew it was important to his grandmother to have a big family dinner. A part of him was hoping that his parents would come, because he had invited them, but neither of them had shown up.

But Clary had.

Just like she always would.

They were sitting on the backdoor step after dinner, looking out over the well groomed back yard. There was light coming from the house, but there was also darkness coming from the night that was blanketing them, and it was a little cold as well, so Clary was sitting close to Jace, sharing his body heat.

"Clary?" Jace finally said, twisting his body to look at her.

"Mm?" Clary smiled and blinked up at him, her big green eyes framed with her long eyelashes. He swallowed hard, and couldn't help but reach out to touch her face, his thumb stroking over her cheekbone, two of his fingers twisting a piece of hair that had fallen in front of her eyes.

"I—" he broke off, the words stuck in his throat. "I—" he was frustrated at himself, and he clenched the hand that wasn't against Clary's face into a fist, trying to force the words out of his mouth. "I want you to know...That I—" Clary smiled and, as always, she looked as though she completely understood. Her smile was serene and eyes were full, and she leaned forward, and brushed Jace's second kiss to his lips, so similar to the one that she had given them five years ago.

"I love you too," she whispered to him.

 _Let me know what you think :)_


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